okay…today I actually ponied up and when I did my yoga (which I am not nearly as dedicated to  as I should be) I added in a specific form of kundalini kriyas (a form of movement and breathing that opens charkas). Now, I am by nature a skeptic about all of that because I have encountered far too many flakes who toss those words around as excuses to get them out of being responsible for their own lives. Chakras, karma  - you name it, terms like this have been usurped by the great god “I can’t help it.”

But…I have had some very strange stuff going on in my life of late (half of which I haven’t talked about here because I would have no idea where to even begin) and I was doing some research and tripped across something that led me to believe that trying to do a kriya, particularly the Heart Chakra Kriya (where you use the “breath of fire” – it just sounds cool) would help me to participate in the seeming random coincidences flying through my life.

Because there is no such thing as a random coincidence now is there? But often, lacking any concept of what to do, we just sit and let things happen around us and hope that one of them will give us instructions on what our part is supposed to be.

So, I found out about this particular kriya, it fit with what was going on in my life and I watched the video. And that is when I found out that after a year of trying to sit in the lotus pose that the little MF-ers sit on a damn pillow to do it. I mean, even I can do that.

So I am on my pillow doing my thing, which is remarkably similar to flapping one’s arms like a bird or a drunk cheerleader and breathing fire (which is also remarkably similar to making choo choo noises only with your mouth closed) and when I was done, I lay in corpse pose (exactly what it sounds like) and was just shocked at how much my muscles felt like they had just spent three hours lifting weights.

And then I stood up.

And that was enough to sell me on the whole process. I felt so…calm, centered, downright powerful with no need to fight. The “breath of fire” is a means of breathing that floods your body with oxygen and the movement of your arms pumps your heart and circulation so it all goes speeding through you. What was surprising was the sense of …capability that came with it all.

Then I signed on line and did my twitter thing and noticed that I have a celebrity listserv following me and just started killing myself laughing.

Me and my new found strong self sailed down to the corner store and bought Charleston chews and here I am.

Doing my thing.

There is a renewed push on to move the capitol of Iran from Tehran to….somewhere else. The stated reason for it is that Iranian seismologists have been clamoring for years about the potential for disaster as the city lies on over 100 fault lines. Skeptics say it is just another move by the powers that be to try and get away from the liberalism in what is the Middle East’s largest city (population 12 million).

But who is to say? I think that politics aside it kind of makes sense to try and make sure that the heart of a nation is someplace where it is not in danger of randomly falling in. And I think, what the skeptics miss, is that the Liberalism will follow the capitol. Its why there are no strong pockets like it in other cities in Iran. What good is it to be a rabble rousing liberal in a place where decisions are not made?

But something is coming to pass that is going to prove to be very interesting, both to the so-called Islamic world and non-Islamic alike. Approval has been given (at least on the money and studio side) to make an epic movie on the life of the prophet Mohammed. An I am not talking about “approval has been given to make a little movie that will never see the light of day outside a mosque.” I am talking about the producer of “The Matrix” and “Lord of the Rings” has the project in the pipeline as they say.

From an artistic point of view I am really interested in how they will handle the fact that you cannot show Mohammed on screen. Plus, being familiar with his life and the Koran, I think it would make an amazing cinematic experience.

From a realistic point of view, I think trouble is a’brewing and wonder how on earth they are going to negotiate the many different interpretations of Islam. I mean, will this turn into another film like “Mel Gibson’s Excellent Gospel Adventure” or will it become more of a “Ten Commandments” which transcended specific beliefs and told a story that most any one could relate to because it managed to straddle belief and archetype.

It will be interesting to see.

It will also be interesting to see because there is a subtle push, especially in Iran, to redefine Islam into that which is “acceptable” and that which is considered a “fringe movement.” The powers that be, in the name of closing down radical Wahhabism, are closing pretty much any mosque that does not support a form of Islam that is deemed acceptable to the state.

Funnily enough, it is the US that is raising its voice in the UN saying that the actions of Iran towards these mosques are in violation of the international codes to protect religious freedom.

But that is the nature of our country. We are contradictory. We promote islamaphobia and in the same breath cry foul if it is threatened.

Like that Doctor in Texas who went to interview for a job with CAIR and was informed that her Hajib violated their “no hats” policy, only to have a very, very red faced administration apologize and offer her a pick of jobs saying that they needed to train their employees on the difference between dress codes and religious protection.

Sometimes discussions start by stepping on toes, rightly or wrongly.

But what draws me to the idea of this movie is it can be a powerful bridge between two worlds. The idea that one can express the nature of Islam without promoting one kind over another is sort of vaguely naïve, but the motivation is in the right place. Here is an epic story that if you strip it of the words and names that have become so polarized and politicized can speak to the world. The prophet with a message who overcomes his own life to give and teach others is one of the most powerful archetypical stories in human history and almost all major religions have a version of it at their core.

The secular world has “star wars, “ then there is Buddha, Christ, Krishna and Mohammed.

Almost makes you wonder if there was some kind of cosmic fertility treatment and out popped the octuplets of religion.

But a part of defusing fear is learning how to take it from within and put it without. Like talking about a nightmare with a child, by speaking of the nightmare outloud, it becomes less frightening.

Ok…now I am sliding into ramble. The mad kitten is under the impression that we are getting up at 4am again. I had to split the cave into 2 sections to increase the warmth in the bed and work area. She slept so soundly and then woke up and started petting my (still tender) nose until I woke up. At least this way, with the cave split up, I can keep the door open, even though it is only 35 out and still be cozy while she does whatever it is mad kittens do in piles of cold cold grass in the dark.

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

Sometimes…you are in the right place at the right time in order to do something for someone and you have no idea if it is the right thing to do.

Cryptic, this is what is occupying my head today. I have just alternately between trying to get some work done and napping, it is amazing how the older you get the longer it takes to recover from one night spent staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning. Its almost like it is more difficult to recover from that when there were no drugs or alcohol involved. God, when I think back to my younger days and I could literally just spring back from any excess and go hang off the side of the building like nothing had occurred.

And I don’t think it is a function of aging in the body. I think it has to do more with when I stay up that late, all self and naturally motivated, I am paying attention. When I was younger I was not paying attention to anything and the fine art of paying attention can be exhausting.

I sat around with a group of my friends who are all pushing 70 the other day and we sort of went through the litany and list of things we have been told about aging that are just not proving to be true (and then we side tracked into the scary fact that nutrasweet makes a great ant killer but that is another story).

Your body changes yes, your mind changes yes, but there was a round table rejection of all the crap about sexuality diminishing (it gets stronger and deeper), risk taking calming down (it really gets stronger) and energy levels diminishing (longer to recover but the stamina when you are going is phenomenal).

And we decided that how you age really depends on what you believe about it in your younger years. If you fear it, your fears come true.

And that is true about anything and everything. Fear is a subtle decider. Like fearing that you will always be alone or even that you will “hook up” with the wrong kind of person can make that happen oddly enough because on some levels, we seek to provide proof for our strongest beliefs. If we have allowed fear to become our strongest belief, then we will seek to create a life that confirms it.

Aren’t we all such subtle and complicated beings.

I am toying with the idea of recording a quick, no-nonesense video of “Striking a Match.” Not sure yet, my naps have severely changed my time frames for the day and I am now stuck on the desire for bon-bons and thinking I may sacrifice my laundry money for two minutes of pleasure (that will then make me sick but oh well).

Blame it on the gentle rain.

of being broke…first, I was broke because my focus was on the Demon and I was a bit unfocused because of the move. Now, I am broke because I am working my tail off to try and pay off all the Demon bills by the end of November. Isn’t it an odd life when you are earning money but have none? It is…just what it is.

For a lot of people, the approach of the holiday season is not a joyful occasion, it is just one big bill. But you know…I was thinking back to last year at Christmas when things first started getting tight with people and there was a move (from necessity and from fear) away from the grandiose holiday splash and to the simple gathering of families and friends. Adults did not give presents and children got a select few, and all showed up at work the next week absolutely stunned at how much more they enjoyed the celebration.

Now, we have all suffered this past year and things are getting better – slightly, but for some reason, the urge to splurge has crept back in. A large part of it is we have been told it is our civic duty to spend, to feed the economy, to prove the recession is over. But the reality for many is things are only better if you squint your eyes, hold your breath and pretend you are someone else.

If you remember last year…oh! the stories I heard about the traditional Christmas fights and arguments that went missing. There is no need to pick up all that again. And while we all want ease and a touch of luxury, this may not be the time to make that the focus. Even if things have gotten better for you, give yourself a break for yet another season.

‘nuff said.

I read “Monster” yesterday on Re-verse. I was sitting in a car with a spastic dog on my lap (a Maltese Chihuahua named “Rocko – the Dish”) with a friend who has never heard me do my thing live before. The Dish was oblivious, but when I got done there was this dead silence on the radio and my friend was just looking at me. She looked at me and said, “It sounds like you are actually there, feeling those things.”

But that is the nature of reading something aloud. It doesn’t matter what it is or what it is about, you become the voice for the piece. You are the grocery list, you are the Monster, you are the public service announcement because while you are speaking you must communicate the reality of the words…not just recite them. But, it is not you doing it, who you are gets left at the door, so to speak.

I am gearing up to start teaching a class next week, basically on how to make the process of writing a part of your life. I am starting to look more and more towards it, going over the class notes and expanding and deepening them to include what I have been learning of late.

And I am sitting here, way too early in the morning, looking at a pile of work I have chosen to take on that will allow me – three weeks from now, to drive a truck out of the driveway with all my other bills paid or well on their way to being paid.

The carrot at the end of the stick.
The light at the end of the tunnel.

Money is such a funny thing.

In some ways it is a little bit like breathing. You have to be able to do it without thining, if you think about it too much then the breathing becomes difficult.

Ah well.

The Mad Kitten was none to pleased that the Dish came for a visit. She hid in her room, the Dish ate one of her toys, then ate through his leash, then spun around and ignored the same toy she ignores and passed out. But as soon as the Dish was gone she came down and it was life as usual. This week we are going to be starting the adjustment to her spending much more time indoors because of the cold, which means I have to get back in the habit of playing with her.

And….and…at some point I have to do something with my website, I have been cheating for months and just slapping stuff on the landing page rather then putting stuff on the schedule et al. A clean-up all around is needed…isn’t that what November is for?

work work work

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

Who knows? Standard time came back this morning (fall back) and I have no idea if any of my little clocks have automatically updated themselves or I am sitting here under the delusion that it is 7:30.

Ah well, all I have to do is get it all figured out before 3pm EST when I will be reading “Monster” live on Re-Verse’s Halloween Hangover show. Which, find your favourite Poe or other creepy poem and call in and read it. Check out my tweets this morning or status updates on Facebook or myspace for the links and phone numbers to call.

So anyway, last night was the Halloween Wedding and it was so much fun. The groom was Beetlejuice, and the bride was dead (complete with hatchet gashes to the neck and head and blood all over her dress). Carmen Miranda was there, threatening people with her banana and everyone followed the rules and came in costume at least. Before we even got started the fire alarm went off and everyone wound up in the parking lot waiting for the fire department to come turn it off. The champagne glasses had skeleton hands for stems and the blushing couple managed to make it over the broomstick without injury.

It was a Pagan ceremony and it was beautiful. I have been to them before and sometimes they can be awkward, I was talking to the High Priestess and she said that it is hard when one of the members families is not Pagan, they have to tone it down a bit and the beauty of the words gets lost. Striking to me, given my over-the-top Christian background, was just the sheer similarity in the ceremonies.

But I love when they give the couple a loaf of bread and say “so you may never go hungry.”

When it came time for the rings, Beetlejuice reached into his suit jacket pocket and took out a severed finger with the ring on it and quickly tossed the finger away saying “she meant nothing to me!.”

There was no official photographer but cameras everywhere and they will be building a web site with images from the wedding and I will post the link when that is available.

Standing and waiting for the fire department though – the night was so beautiful and windy, the clouds racing over the moon and me, with my 3 hours sleep and pleasant zoning comfort just…relaxed into the experience.

I had a conversation with a young man earlier in the week, I like him a lot, he is in his 20s and going back to college and trying so hard to be grown up and he said to me that he had bee trying to plan an “adult Halloween”…which he described as “you know, dinner out and maybe a movie” and thank god his friends grabbed a hold of him and literally pinned a cat tail on him and slapped some ears on his head and took him ‘round to parties.

Halloween is many things. We could discuss the symbolism for days but one of the roles that Halloween plays in adult life is it allows us all to step outside of ourselves. Particularly in times of economic stress Halloween becomes one of the largest holidays because, in its own way, it gives us respite from our daily lives and allows us to reconnect with a larger sense of possibility. It has never been about children and treats.

Which, btw, I started cracking up about all the news stories about the recession being over in the US. By the numbers, maybe, but we still have a long way to go.

And while we wait to get there…there is life to be lived, poetry to be written and love to find.

Life should always be this ripe with possibility, no matter what time it is or that we think it is.

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

3 hours is not nearly enough sleep for anyone, let alone me, but…that is how the cookie crumbled yesterday. I got more work done then I think I ever have, which is good and needed and now I have to jam in an entire work day before the wedding and while finishing the Ichabod Crane outfit for the wedding. In the back of my mind is this steady chant though “truck, truck, truck” so here I am, slaving away again.

But, it is fun.

In its odd, overburdened way….I am still trying to clear the old and get ready for the new but it is such a painful process not painful, but slow and just trickling.

But it gets done. I do feel a little wonky today not having near enough sleep.

And I sat to work on the new piece “Ages” a little bit ago and all that came out was question after question after question. And some of it came from Heather Moon’s comment about that the nature of cells is that they can only communicate when they consume each other.

Notes from Ages:

 - repulsion mistaken for connection
 - mirrors for sight
 - what is the same repeated again

 - What is it within us that allows us to risk again?
 - Why is not memory enough to satisfy?
 - How strong is our intuition and why is it the one thing we are quickest to deny?
 - What is desire that is tells us to throw caution to the wind, or tells us to wait?
 - and at what age do we cease to know the sound of our own voice?

Questions and more questions and more questions – I know what the piece is about but I cannot yet explain it or touch the emotion involved, its sort of…anticipation…in a way, I think – but what is being anticipated?

These are the things I would so much rather be thinking about today but…I have to get some functional, productive and bill paying work done.

So I pedaled my fine self in the morning chill cross town, over the bay and to a firend’s house for breakfast. I hadn’t seen them in a while.

While things were cooking I started looking at the newspaper, at the horoscopes.

Libra: You’ve been considering an upgrade of your transportation situation, but you’ve been waiting for the right moment. Pick out a color…the moment is near.

And we started goofing on how bad and ridiculous horoscopes are getting, nonsensical….foolish.

We eat…go outside to have our coffee and smoke.

The next door neighbor comes over (who I have known for years and says) “I was thinking about you, do you want to buy my brother-in-law’s truck for $700?”

His brother in law lives in the house across the way. The truck is incredible, his son’s who just went into the service. We cut a deal then and there, I will pay him over three weeks time as I am still catching up on all sorts of bills.

I go back…alittle stunned at the events and text a copy of my horoscope to a friend.

She txts back, “Pick blue.”

and I type, “funny you should say that, I just bought a blue truck.”

Now excuse me, I need to catch up on my work since I need to earn a wee bit more money this week.

☺

(I was asked to post this in my blog from medically reliable sources, please feel free to copy and post it around)

PREVENTING SWINE FLU  
      
The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.
      
While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):
      
1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications). ALWAYS WASH HANDS BEFORE TOUCHING FOOD OR YOUR FACE.
      
2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat, or bathe).
      
3. Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you don't trust salt). H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.
      
4. Similar to 3 above, clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water. Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (ability to clean nasal passages), but blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population. Neti pots and sinus rinse kits are available at the drug store and relatively inexpensive..under $15.
      
5. Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (escpecially citrus fruits). If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.
              
6. Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.
      
{Dr. Vinay Goyal is an MBBS,DRM,DNB (Intensivist and Thyroid specialist) having clinical experience of over 20 years. He has worked in institutions like Hinduja Hospital , Bombay Hospital , Saifee Hospital , Tata Memorial etc. Presently, he is heading our Nuclear Medicine Department and Thyroid clinic at Riddhivinayak Cardiac and Critical Centre, Malad (W).}

From the CDC:

Swine Flu Symptoms

According to the CDC, like seasonal flu, symptoms of swine flu infections can include:

    * fever, which is usually high, but unlike seasonal flu, is sometimes absent
    * cough
    * runny nose or stuffy nose
    * sore throat
    * body aches
    * headache
    * chills
    * fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme
    * diarrhea and vomiting, sometimes, but more commonly seen than with seasonal flu

Signs of a more serious swine flu infection might include pneumonia and respiratory failure.

If your child has symptoms of swine flu, you should avoid other people and call your pediatrician who might do a rapid flu test to see if he has an influenza A infection. Further testing can then be done to see if it is a swine flu infection. (Samples can be sent to local and state health departments and the CDC for confirmation of swine flu, especially if a child is in the hospital.)

Swine Flu High Risk Groups

With regular seasonal flu, infants and the elderly are usually thought to be most at risk for serious infections, in addition to people with chronic medical problems. Swine flu high risk groups, people who are thought to be at risk for serious, life-threatening infections, are a little different and can include:

    * pregnant women
    * people with chronic medical problems, such as chronic lung disease, like asthma, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and immunosuppression
    * children and adults with obesity

It is important to keep in mind that unlike seasonal flu, more than half of the hospitalizations and a quarter of the deaths from swine flu are in young people under the age of 25.

Serious Swine Flu Symptoms

More serious symptoms that would indicate that a child with swine flu would need urgent medical attention include:

    * Fast breathing or trouble breathing
    * Bluish or gray skin color
    * Not drinking enough fluids
    * Severe or persistent vomiting
    * Not waking up or not interacting
    * Being so irritable that the child does not want to be held
    * Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough

Swine Flu Symptoms vs. a Cold or Sinus Infection

It is important to keep in mind most children with a runny nose or cough will not have swine flu and will not have to see their pediatrician for swine flu testing.

This time of year, many other childhood conditions are common, including:

    * fall allergies - runny nose, congestion, and cough
    * common cold - runny nose, cough, and low grade fever
    * sinus infections - lingering runny nose, cough, and fever
    * strep throat - sore throat, fever, and a positive strep test

What You Need To Know

    * Swine flu likely spreads by direct contact with respiratory secretions of someone that is sick with swine flu, like if they were coughing and sneezing close to you.

    * People with swine flu are likely contagious for one day before and up to seven days after they began to get sick with swine flu symptoms.

    * Droplets from a cough or sneeze can also contaminate surfaces, such as a doorknob, drinking glass, or kitchen counter, although these germs likely don't survive for more than a few hours.

    * Anti-flu medications, including Tamiflu (oseltamivir) and Relenza (zanamivir), are available to prevent and treat swine flu in high risk children.

    * The latest swine flu news from the CDC includes advice that daycare centers should do daily health checks, separate ill children until they can go home, encourage kids to stay home until they are free of fever for at least 24 hours, encourage proper hand-washing, and teach kids to properly cover their coughs and sneezes to help everyone avoid the flu.

Lisa Niemi was quoted recently as saying that she misses her late husband, Patrick Swayze, on a “cellular level” and despite 22 months of preparing for his death that her grief was an animal of its own.

Cellular attraction is not something to be taken lightly or dismissed. It is far different from lust at first sight or that instantaneous sense of connection and communication – cellular love is a kind of communication established between the beings of two people that exists beyond words.

Just standing next to someone, resting a hand on them as they talk begins a dialogue in which your conscious experiences are absent, heck even body memory does not come into play because it is about the very raw nature of one being talking to the very raw nature of another.

But just because that is happening does not mean it is enough to rely on to create a 34 year long marraiage. Because along with cells, people do come with memories and consciousness, experience, prejudice and dreams and all of those must be taken into account as well. Your cells may dance together on a microbiological level, but your beings must still bond and seek to enhance that bond.

I have had a few conversations of late about the “stopping” in relationships. How, in the beginning, there is a push to get to know someone and then everything stops – mostly because we assume we have gotten to know the person enough or it is as far as we choose to go in our comfort zones. But that newness is a daily thing, no matter how long you have been together, because our momentary experiences are always shaping and changing us.

I am beyond irate about the San Francisco bay bridge. I mean, this is what I used to do for a living, build bridges and everyone always talked about their fear of being called to work on that one because not enough proper maintenance has been done and when the powers that be finally decided to do it, that bridge would be a death trap to anyone working on it.

Now, the bridge has spoken. Bridges speak three times (this is the ironworker lore), the first two times are the only warnings you get and the third time, it is between you and your God if there is anything else on this planet they need you to do.

Once, that bridge was damaged in an earthquake. And then around labor day a structural beam revealed that it was cracked (whisper one), so they closed it for a few days and did a bizarre jerry rig patch with a supporting rod that came crashing down the other day (word two). Engineers who have made a career of studying the Bay Bridge are up and arms saying that the bridges needs have to addressed now before disaster happens and fear that the powers that be will rush through another patch to open the bridge again.

Because of short term thinking.

But that kind of short term thinking will bring some very bad things.

But the majority of people who use that bridge will not consider this, they will only focus on the fact that this public thing is supposed to make their life so much easier that they do not even have to think about it. That is the strange thing about how we have become, we strive to reach a point in which we do not even have to consider the things we rely on, that are a part of our lives in such a way that they are like walking, like breathing…intuitive, but often we forget how they actually work.

We do that with the people in our lives as well. We seem to strive to get to a point where we forget that they exist as entities separate from ourselves and that leads to the age old complaint of “being taken for granted.” When you begin to take someone or some thing for granted (and ask anyone who has lost a car engine for having no oil) then we fail to see the small things needed from us to continue helping them to be and in turn, helping is to be with them in our days.

They say (in the lore again) that iron is one of the most powerful and magical things to work with because it is a core material of the earth, it has its own life and moods and spirit. Any ironwoker worth their salt developed a capacity to read and listen to their steel and iron which is why one of the most common complaints by their romantic partners is they felt like the worker was having an affair with their steel. Wood is not the same, because it is so changed by the time you work with it. But iron holds a life that the more you touch it, the more it speaks with you on a cellular level.

Two pieces of the earth, speaking together.

And isn’t that, when you think of it, what two people are? Two pieces of the earth speaking together?

I went to the gas station and got two cups of coffee today to start the morning. There is much to be done and then and then…hopefully I can work on the new pieces. I got speed sick last night which I am hoping will be my only version of the flu.

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

Saturday, on Halloween…I am going to a wedding. It is a Tim Burton themed wedding and everyone is requested to come as one of the characters from his movies. I tried for “frankenweenie” but couldn’t pull it off so I am working on something Ichabod Cranish.

I think it is a wonderful idea. I cannot tell you how long it has been since I have been to a wedding. One of the best I ever attended was a “black and white” wedding, where guests were requested to wear either all white or all black (up to them). The reception was in an old castle and they had Flamenco dancers as the entertainment.

I also have a secret in the works, but can’t tell you what it is for months to see if it actually happens, but I think you will enjoy that too.

And the poor MK. I was steadily not doing work in the cave and decided that I had to flee to the café for coffee and a different environment to get the rest of my things done. It has been raining off and on all day, so I called and called for the Mad Kitten to come inside so she wouldn’t be left out in the rain and…nothing…now since she went missing those few days she has been real good about staying close and coming when I call her so I started wondering.

I poked my head out the door into the rain and called her again. Mind you…when I call her it is more of a sound that for whatever reason makes us both happy…”Ba-peep!” My neighbors must think I am nuts.

So now I am standing in the pouring rain going “Ba-peep! Ba-peep! Ba-peep!” and I hear this absolutely piteous cry. Look around…nothing…ba-peep? Cry. I look up and there she is on the roof looking like a drowned rat, all eyes and as soon as we make eye contact she just lets loose crying.

F---ing Stan, I bet he led her up there and in the downpour she got confused.

So…in my new boots…I climbed up and plucked the poor shaking and drenched thing off the roof.

None of my cats have been good climbers. My dog used to trip and fall out of the RV all the time (not to mention walk right into telephone poles) I am fortunate that the few fish I have had somehow came knowing how to swim and weren’t reliant on me teaching them. Walter and Gladys, my two ring necked doves…well, the less you know about them the less embarrassed I will be.

I am trying to get all of my things done so I can write tonight. Something to go with “striking a match” and the title floating around in my head is “Ages.”

And hopefully, by the time I get the last of my bread and butter work done the rain will have let up.

I have been surrounded of late with things that have shown the way that rules and rhythms contrast and what a different experience it is when you let go of the rules for a bit and listen to the rhythm of life around you.

The Lady, sadly, is moving tomorrow or the next day and it feels a bit like summer has drawn finally to an end. A bunch of us were talking about how seasons go, how sometimes it is the weather that signals the change, but more often it is the end of some kind of experience. Doing the Demon, the intensity, the connections we all had are fading and passing as we all move onto our different things. But there is the lingering promise of reuniting for “the city of love.’

Such  a strange life this is all turning out to be.

Sometimes I just sit here with the cursor blinking at me and a million thoughts in my mind and yet none at all. Just waiting for whatever it is inside me to draw the lines between the dots and reveal the next step.

Which is something I am investigating now. I have to raise the bar tremendously to get ready to even attempt to write the city. I have so much to learn and over the next 4 months I am actually going to be teaching quite a bit which will be good for me, give me an opportunity to investigate things without all the oomph being on me. Plus I am really enjoying, as more and more people find me online, that they are sending me their work and their links. Its like something grand has opened up of late.

And I watch the news and haven’t had much to say because I have just been watching the opposite happen in the world. Governments are shifting from following rhythms and whims to trying to adopt some global rules. The UN is suddenly finding the voice it lost over the past 20 or so years and the major…children…of the world are whining and complaining that they don’t want to play that way, but they are stepping more carefully.

They are stepping more carefully while people seem to be tentatively exploring the rhythms of life rather than the rules.

Which is a wonderful thing, I see it reflected in the way that so many of the poetry community are starting to be willing to reach out to each other, I have had more contacts from poets around the world in the past week just saying “hey…the world appears to have changed and how poetry is handled and published has changed…what do you suggest?”

Come aboard…come aboard….come aboard…writing is  lonely enough process fraught with the threatening darkness of one’s own navel that we are fortunate that we live in times in which we can reach to each other across cities, across oceans, across languages.

But backs to rules and rhythms…there is a place for them both, the art comes when you begin to learn not to “decide” which needs to be in place and instead discern what is needed in the moment.

OMG it is 8:30 and I have been up since 4, how on earth can I be running late already? It is raining, MK is cocooned under the quilt. Funny how she can be so adamant that she has to go outside and then peaks out, sees the rain and its like the dial gets turned down…she won’t poke her head out till noon and even then it will only to reposition herself in the paper bag she has adopted.

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

Its like the blog has its own little life today…PSAs and now this….I got an email from a poet from Canada asking if I would be interested in swapping links with him and when I went to check out his site, I was very impressed with his writing.

So…links swapped, I asked for permission to reprint one of his pieces and here it is.
Evictee, by Bruce McRae (and I am encouraging him to show up on the Speakeasy too)

Evictee

You mean the house inside the house.
You mean the mythmaker's lodgings,
with its many doors and million windows.

Which is the sea under the mountains
or a thirteen billion year old light ray.
Which is everywhere, like ancient snow.

Oh, but why didn't you say so?
You mean the house next door to the nothingness,
across the road from the flaming hospital,
by the exploding dancehall.

Where the carbon blobs happily dwell
and midnight barks like a dog.
Where the spectral sailors are knocking.

The house made of bones being broken.
The house of minds snapping.
The house where the World used to live,
until Tragedy stopped by for a while,
until Time spat out its toothpick.

I remember the blinds in the kitchen
coming down hard.
Like a fist on a table
or satellite crashing.
I remember there were walls in the cellar
and an angry lightbulb on all night.
With vast continents
hidden under its floorboards,
Mr. and Mrs. Chemical, long dead now,
rearranging the grassblades,
old toys still in the yard,
bejeweled in the glistening rain,
the roadway passing
filled with the children's lost voices:
like a skip-rope-rhyme
in my feverish mind.


    Copyright © 2008-2009 Bruce McRae, Victoria, BC, Canada.   All rights reserved

Then you or maybe someone you know needs to know about this upcoming event:


Financial & Legal Presentation for Same Sex Couples on November 10
Nathan Bishop Middle School
Special Guest Rep Frank Ferri

RSVP to Karen Melo at 401-432-8805 or
kmelo@oceanstatefinancial.com.


- On Tuesday, November 10th Richard Streitfeld, CPA, CFE of Aaronson Lavoie Streitfeld Diaz & Co,  P.C., along with Karen Melo, CFP® of Oceanstate Financial Services, and Philip Laffey, Esq. of Marshall & Laffey Ltd. will be hosting “From Obstacles to Opportunity - Financial and Legal Guidance for Same Sex Couples.”

This is the first local presentation on this important topic in over five years.

Our special guest is RI Rep. Frank Ferri, an openly gay member of the RI House of Representatives and known for supporting LGBT equality.  This event is being presented in conjunction with RI Pride and Queer Action of RI.  Any net proceeds will be donated to support these organizations. 

The discussion will address the issues that confront same sex (and other unmarried) couples...  How should we own property together?  What are my rights when decisions need to be made and my partner gets sick?  How can we grow our wealth and minimize our tax burden together?

The event will take place at the fabulously “new” Nathan Bishop Middle School 101 Sessions St. Providence, RI (near the Jewish Community Center on the East Side).  Registration is at 6 PM and the presentation will begin at 6:30.  The cost is $10.00 per person or $15.00 per couple.  RSVP by Nov. 2nd to be entered into a raffle for dinner at a local restaurant.

Seating is first come, first served.  When this seminar was first offered in 2003, over 150 people attended.  To avoid being turned away, please RSVP to Karen Melo by November 2nd at 401-432-8805 or kmelo@oceanstatefinancial.com.

If my typos get excessive, mind you, the lap top and I went out to the café to work yesterday and had peanut butter. I practically have to stand on the ‘a’ to get it to work.

Such is life, I think there were also crunchy bits in the bottom of my bag that have worked their way down into the keyboard and every so often (like with “k”) there is this nasty crunching sound and then everything is ok.

One of the side bar discussions that started yesterday was “what do you think an Alien would look like?” and this is kind of nonsensical and yet, as revealing and important as the whole 2012 discussion.

What do you think an Alien would look like? And do you find the image you create in your mind frightening or comforting?

Or do you think no such possibility exists at all?

They have found about 300 new planets over the past week or so that exists beyond our solar system. Extrapolation of numbers means the chance that an “earthlike” planet exists are high.

Why do we assume that Aliens would be like us?

Why do we assume they would need anything in the same way that we would?

Why do we assume that there would be anything different between us at all?

The prevalence of Alien theories arose during WWII and the beginning of the nuclear age. The hypothesis that life exists elsewhere has been around for a long time, but the more we look back (or forward) and see things that we (culturally) cannot understand how they were done (pyramids, Mayan calendars) the more we ascribe them to essentially “super humans” that we could not possibly be.

We even, culturally, give them exaggerated human features – the features that we both fear and recognize are so intrinsic to the human experience. They have large eyes (the windows to the soul, to see), huge heads (to contain their so much better then ours brain), a flawless sense of reason and logic (having triumphed over our messy emotions) and long, long fingers (the human hand exaggerated, all the better to make brilliant things).

In our mythology of Aliens the strong thread is that they come in peace (but want something from us), peace is misunderstood and destruction ensues (usually triumphed over by an underdog – even in human terms – hero).

We continue on thinking that these highly advanced beings a) have a need or curiousity to study us and b) for all their advancement have not managed to resolve basic issues that we grapple with  the destruction of resources, over population, war.

I find it interesting that we have made of the concept of Aliens a mutated and exaggerated image of both the best and worst of ourselves.

In movies, with better makeup, we have expanded our visual imagining of Aliens to include more diverse forms, but it always returns to the image of the most frightening Alien being the most like us.

That is what made the Alien in “Aliens” so frightening is the character was so tied to the very human realm of “motherhood.”

Who is to say that we would even remotely understand an Aliens motivation?

What do I think an Alien looks like? Its like asking me what face I would put to God, I have no idea because I realize that my experience does not even remotely allow for any type of imagination to reach out to even begin to picture it.  Honestly, I doubt if I met an Alien that I would even recognize them because my human experience would demand that I place the experience in some kind of framework so I did not go insane.

Do I think that there are other lifeforms out there, hands down of course. But I am more concerned with this one.

I think, when I look back on all the Alien movies I have seen, the one – to me – that best represented what could be, was K-Pac. Where even in the movie you are left with the question of “is he an alien or is he just crazy?” because that is a core question, could we ever recognize what is different? Would we ever allow something to be different from us? And what would happen to us, if we discovered they were different or differently abled, but not capable of either destroying us or saving us?

Ok…coffee and it is all spreadsheets today

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

I am supposed to be writing about the intricacies of changing a fuel line but decided I would “pre-reward” myself instead and come here…

☺

Do you remember the panic sisters from last year? Well, they are doing just fine. The world did not end when Obama was elected and all that happened is they are trying to figure out how to pay off the excessive credit card debt they have from using it as an excuse to purchase excessive amounts of automatic weapondry.

However, the panic sisters…after several months of calm, are starting to come apart at the seams and cast about for new things to justify that life as we know it is coming to an end.

Why is it that we do such things? The panic sisters are extremes, searching and scouring the news and the skies for omens that not only are they right, but that they are so right that they are about to be destroyed. It is not even a case where they are looking for proof that they are right and then launching onto some vast mission to save the world, they just want a little acknowledgment that what they long held to be true was correct and now “life as we know it” is about to end.

If you are fairly new and don’t know who the panic sisters are, you should search my blog for them. They are quite entertaining.

But every week with them there is a bubbling and boiling suggestion of what “the real problem is.”

The only real problem I see is that we spend far to much time looking for problems and too little living our lives as if they had an effect on how everything goes.

I watch, with great amusement, the online BBC newsfeed as the exact same story will change its headline on the average of three times during any given day. From the factual, to the panicked, to a more subdued but still “shocking” content that carries with it the faint glimmer of re-assurance.

And that is the pattern of how many people’s reactions (not thinking goes) – we take a “thing” that means nothing one way or the other and cast it to the far end of panic then reel it back in and try to find something reassuring to undo the panic and miss altogether what the reality of the event was.

Like the 2012 things, unfortunately most will miss what the actual event is, and I am not talking about galactic changes and cosmic movements – I am talking about a kind of global push in a new direction by mankind that is happening simultaneously (but by no means spontaneously). We will divide into two camps – the “2012 is happening camp” and the “you must be an idiot to believe that” camp and we will miss what the whole process is an indicator of.

Life is changing.
The world as we know it is changing (as it does everyday but that is another thing)
and we can block our participation in the change by trying to clearly delineate what that change will be before any of the choices have even come up.

I had a nap…I can almost spell now, amazing how sleeplessness goes right to the grammar….

I am much more focused then I was yesterday. The nicest thing, about the part I was talking about yesterday about looking forward to something, is in not putting any expectations on it, in just allowing myself to experiencing being excited – I also got nervous and then had to work against trying to pull something out of a bag of tricks to make myself feel calmer (but that is a whole other post, but sort of relates to this one) is that things became more than they would have if I had been approaching it with a definite plan and idea of what was going to happen.

So cryptic. But sometimes, there are no words to really describe something and to do so would put it into pictures and images that limit the experience and your understanding of it.

I came back and had a comment asking me about 2012, which I talked about way long ago last year as far as the specifics of the Mayan calendars and explaining that in no way shape or form did the Mayans perceive the world as ending. It is simply that one (of hundreds) of their calendars are drawing to a close and another is beginning. In the ancient world view, one cycle ends and another begins and you can so to figure out the time frames for this.

The Gregorian calendar, which the majority of the modern world follows, was invented in the late 1500s and then adopted by the Pope as gospel in 1582. This calendar is the epitome of man’s imposition of order (as defined by their species experience) by negating everything but a simple mathematical formula that is endlessly perpetuating and unchanging.

Now, I think that part of the reason that end of the world scenarios grasp the imagination so much is that deep down, we know that nothing is eternal and unchanging when it comes to our lives. Just our own mortal clocks would be a constant reminder that this is not how it goes, when we hear a suggestion of that as being so, we gravitate to it – mostly not understanding the draw because so many function in denial of their mortality.

Ingrained, specifically in the American culture, is the lack of being able to imagine the world without our individual presence. The concept of “life goes on” after we die is something most people find very depressing to think about – which is yet another blog post. The majority of the Christianity here has even transformed the idea of Heaven as an eternal place where our lives are recreated and when we get there, everything we have lost is returned to us. Or maybe we become a part of a great glowing thing that has just been waiting for us to arrive.

So it is funny/strange that the idea of the “end of times” holds such appeal to so many people.

But it is more than that. In all our back and forths about the nature of love and relationships we have pretty much agreed that the one thing that threatens the growth of both is the desire to “know what is going to happen.” For assurances of what will be before we embark on the process of being a part of it.

We like to “fall in love” at first sight, against are will, inadvertently because it frees us from the responsibility of learning about the choices involved in love and choosing to be in love.

We like our guarantees.

It is, shall we say, a hang over from being a child. A child, who knows nothing, has limited experience and is essentially ignorant; finds the world a vastly frightening place because it is so unsure. One of the role of parents is to set expectations, rules and boundaries that help define the world for their child and keep them safe as they are taught how to handle the known and unknown (blog topic #3, why we don’t teach our children how to handle the past). If the family cannot provide this kind of definition, the child will begin to look for definition by finding some kind of group to attach themselves that offers a clearcut set of expectations and definitions of the world. They gravitate to social groups, sports, gangs, cliques and trends. All in the effort to have a sense of themselves as they are placed in a world defined. A world that can be understood and that they can feel confident (falsely) in their expectations of it.

Now, adults who are struggling to grow beyond this need for assurance and promise (as we all do and it is a back and forth thing) are ripe for anything that promises a direct result. The self-help book that promises a new you in 30 days, the sure fire diet, the list of rules for success, the religion that promises unconditional love and a free pass to heaven, the person to whom they must only say “I love you “ once and the relationship is forever and unchanging in its emotional stability.

Every so often, an end of the world scenario comes to the fore, or if not that, then a very specific date (or span of dates) in which “things are going to change.” People are drawn to it because it offers the security of knowing.

Now, that said. Do I believe that there are cosmic times of change? Yes, hands down.  I even think it goes beyond that in ways we do not understand because this is, afterall, the universe and we are put a really small part of it and not the central focus of it.

Do I think that Man has the capacity to accurately predict the times in which it would occur? Not specifically.

If you back off the 2012 end-of-the-world scenarios and look at its predictions of global change and are preparing for that in that year then I can say with all honesty that you have missed the boat. What people are talking about happening in 2012 has already started now, and if you are waiting for the doors to the party to open, then you are missing being a part of hanging the decorations and selecting what music will be played. By the time 2012 comes around, people celebrating it as an year of shifting will be looked at as dilettantes by those who realized that the world, the universe has begun a collective shift now.

People who presume that events happen at the point at which they gather are making one of the most fundamental errors in all human perception – that something only exists when we notice it. And the error of modern times, that we can schedule major events in life. Just look at the nonesense with the recession – it will be over in 3 months, no, 4 months and 2 days. Life does not work like that. Even countries that have announced they are out of the recession acknowledge that it is only by the numbers but that real life is still in it.

If you think the world is gathering for a cosmic change in 2012 then get off your duff and be an active part of the change. You can’t know what it will be, you can guess – but what you can do is try to be a part of the change you imagine is coming. For what we dream becomes poetry, what becomes poetry becomes science. All the Mayan dreams became the Mayan tales of the world, became their science of understanding the universe and allowed them to create calendars that gave them a frame of reference to gauge living.

As far as the world ending, it has just as much chance as ending two seconds after I post this as it does on December 21, 2012. In my eyes it has even a greater chance because I can understand and point to the things in the world that could cause its destruction in an instant now…5 years from now, I can but imagine what will be and we have a tremendous potential for change (and are changing in some fundamental ways that may remove one apocalyptic bugaboo – world war III).

As far as the Mayan calendar goes…here is the link again to that fabulous site that looks at all these theories, from Atlantis to Planet X to 2012.
exitmundi

They have done an excellent job of tracing the source of all these theories.

Now…the last thing I will leave you with is a question. In all the 2012 brouhaha, look around you and ask yourself, who gains from my fear of it? Who profits from my believing this is going to be a devastating or dramatic time of change?

Look at the people promoting this, it is a high emotion thing they are tapping into and ask yourself why, if someone professes to care about me, they would be seeking only to play upon my fears or irrational desires for everything to get magically better?

What does that say about them?
And what…does that say about you and where you are right now?

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

Google predicts that within about 5 years, the majority of the Internet will be in Chinese.

There was a major conference of Asian countries in which they are wanting to design their own form of the Asian EU to take advantage of the fact that they are the countries that are pulling out of the recession the quickest. Recognizing, and rightly so, that it positions them to firmly take the position of global leaders in all things economic and industrial (including manufacturing).

I am sure that this simple and practical (and sound, I believe) idea will escalate into our Christmas bugaboo here.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, people are arguing about the bank salary caps. Saying that it will create a “brain drain” because these stellar executives who “pulled us out of the crisis” will flee to banks not bound by these restrictions. And what? Fresh blood and new ideas won’t rise to fill their position? Seems to me that these stellar executives are still too close to what caused the problem in the first place, better to revoke their license to practice in the same manner we do with doctors who screw up and so threaten the life of their patient. Let them go be store clerks and let the store clerks take a whack at managing investments. After all, we might need an infusion of people who are a little more in touch with the reality of money then a continued leadership by people for whom money is nothing but a number on the paper.

I was talking with a friend yesterday and he told me that if he won the lottery he would start a charity for the middle class. For all those people who have just enough tools to work with, but no funds to take the step that would allow them to soar.

What am I not saying? This is a 360 degree topic turn (in a way) but I am distracted right now, it is early and I find myself in the absolutely fine position of looking forward to something today like I haven’t looked forward to something in a long time. And it is distracting to me in the best of ways.

Its 5am, dark, balmy and MK is already in position under her little tree outside. We have developed this new language in which as she pops in to check on me, or comes into a nap I reach out and touch her nose, or she will reach out her arm and we touch paw/hand and that is it. She starts purring and passes out. Its like these moments where we are just reminding each other that although we are busy with other things, we are still present and connected.

What am I not saying? Chance, I am becoming to believe, originates more inside of you than anything else. Opportunities abound and you know the old cliché about “you have to be open to seeing them”, it is true. But we become wedded to what we think our opportunity should be that we close off and wait for it to be delivered and miss what is walking beside us.

But half of our wanting to define our opportunities comes from the fear of experiencing anything new. We allow our pasts to shape our definitions rather than allowing them to educate us and then form our own.

I keep going to the notes for the City of Love and stirring them around. I am going to keep pulling out the ideas and themes and small bits (like I did with “Striking a Match”) and develop them as small pieces to see what it is they really are and what they require of me.

OK…obviously I am just not stringing two thoughts together well this early so I am off to overcaffeinate myself and see if I can’t get my brain to sit down in her chair and pay attention today.

Ciao

Buy The Demon of Providence on Amazon.com Video Release: October 2009 copyright 2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe. All rights reserved. For permission to use any of this material please contact info@loveandwords.com cassandra tribe is a member of newsy.com

I have achieve incense, but still have to get white candles. Ideas passed on to me by someone who knows the depths of my dreams, ghosts and their penchant for battling in my sleep.

I lit the incense and MK woke up and looked at me and just started her motor going.

There is something else that Longinus says that I know is important but am still wrapping my brain around, it is, afterall one thing to read something and go “ahhhhhhh” and quite another to get it coming out of the tips of your fingers.

“What wastes the talents of the present generation is the idleness in which all but a few of us pass our lives, only exerting ourselves or showing any enterprise for the sake of getting praise or pleasure out of it, never from the admirable and honorable motive of doing good for the world.”

Now, all this was written way back when …like in the first or third century AD and yet hasn’t it remained a common complaint?

The other comment he has (I have a pages of notes) is that the choice of words should suit the dignity of the subject.

How many of you, when you sit to down to write (and I mean anything) contemplate for any amount of time the “dignity of your subject?’

It is an unusual idea, because suddenly the writing becomes less about you and more about your ability to do something worthy of the topic you have set yourself.

All this is subtly changing my work as I practice it, I have two other books from the same era I am working through...taking notes…writing things on the wall, in books, on scraps of paper as I begin the process of approaching the art of writing poetry, which is different from the role poetry has really played in my life before where it was bent in service to my needs. I want, more than anything, to bend myself to the service of the poem…if that makes sense…

then again, I am still writing about concrete

☺

In the mix of all the mess of the past month and finishing the video and then moving directly into my traditional nervous breakdown, I have been steadily studying some very old “teachings,” not forms, about poetry in preparation for writing the city of love and just in general to take another step forward.

Painted on the wall of my studio is a very distilled version of Longinus’s “Rules of the Sublime” which, for the first time, I tried to apply when writing “Striking a Match.”

They are:

1) the power of grand conceptions
2) the inspiration of vehement emotions
3) proper construction of thought and speech
4) nobility of language
5) dignified and elevated word arrangement

In other words:

1) think big, outside of yourself, think of the world the universe and more
2) feel it to the absolute height and power of the emotions involved
3) now say it in a way that can be understood and believed as reality
4) choose words that respect or “dress” the concept and emotion
5) arrange the words so to carry the whole idea and not just the word or phrase

I also started working in a whole bunch of other stuff he writes about (and Aristotle too) about how to pace things, use metaphor, repeat words etc.

Its an ongoing process…but written on the wall opposite the rules of the sublime is the phrase “Tension is the great integrity.”

In other words, your words should hang suspended as if in something that only you know the outcome of but leaves the reader in the tension of uncertainty – how will this poem end? Will it be good? Will there be disaster? And you the poet, who knows, gives nothing away but builds each possibility equally before bringing them to the end.

But the end cannot be a surprise because of #3.

☺

The thing about the sublime and why it can make a poem good, is it echoes life. It is the process of balancing reason and emotion without giving up one or the other. If you have grand ideas, but no emotion – it is too cold and dry. All emotion and no idea, then it is a breathtaking rollercoaster that is forgotten in minutes. And either/or/and without a means of expressing them to others and maintain a respect to why it was originally written just undoes the whole damn thing.

I almost dare to say that I feel normal again (whatever that is for me). I wrote over 8,000 words about concrete yesterday, which is a bit much but I am trying to recover my finances from the video and upgrade my life.

And get back to studying all these things that were forgotten.

Striking a Match

Striking a match
holds the promise of many things.
If I have chosen to pour gasoline
on myself on others on things,
then the promise is destruction
that will be without meaning,
for no two people
sifting the oily ash shall agree
on why I struck the flame.
Houses will be left without memory,
people will be chosen to blame,
and if anything of me is left,
I will be examined
but not believed,
for the nature of destruction
is to destroy all meaning.

Striking a match
holds the promise of many things.
If that match sparks a flame
that flares to the wick of a candle,
then the smallest part of life is enshrined,
with flickering boundaries,
its borders unprotected,
worn at by the waves of night
and changing with the slightest breeze.
In that small circle of light,
vision lacks clarity
and life has the substance of dreams,
and no two people shall agree
on what was there,
for the nature of flames that flare
is to disappear before anything can be seen.

Striking a match
holds the promise of many things.
If that match falls on dry wood piled just so,
the flame feeds fire and warmth grows,
light cannot help but be cast,
to reveal what has been
and what has yet to pass.
Yet fires by nature consume,
themselves or what is foolish enough
to fall in,
and no two people will survive
the coldness of night when the fire dies,
or the hunger of a fire
grown wild,
for the nature of being consumed
is to stay till there is nothing left within.

No one person can survive,
in darkness in cold or blaze
for each and all
are beyond their control.
In striking the match,
there is a promise of so many things, 
lighting a candle
held in another’s hands,
their circle of light
reveals rocks you can move,
to ring wild nature and contain,
to find fuel that will not destroy
but sustain,
for the nature of striking a match
is to see what can be done,
and where you may choose
to begin.


c.2000-2009 Cassandra Tribe All Rights Reserved

So…I finally started working on something new the other night. I mean, I have that huge mess with a lot of notes for the city of love, but this is shorter, more free and in the moment. But of course, it is all sort of a practice for the kind of writing that the city will need.

And I am beginning to apply all the things I am learning (or have learned) and it is interesting the subtle difference it is making.

Subtle, but I catch myself looking at the 5 rules of the Sublime I have written on my walls and going…uh uh, no, find another way to say it. And I start all over again.

The content is also different. I think, in retrospect a lot of my work has ended with a question mark and this one doesn’t. Yet even within that there is a question mar because there is just so little that one can know. I mean, its like in walking yourself through something you come out the other end with more questions revealed then answered. And I wonder if that is part of the nature of life, that the “settling” or “coming to terms with” or “processing through” is not so much about putting things to rest as discovering what questions you should be asking in balance to where you are in your experience.

The nature of learning, I am discovering, is not to provide answers but to teach you how to phrase the questions that need to be asked.

Just a short aside, now back to the grind. Life is getting relatively normal again but at some point I hope I am caught up enough to actually leave the house, it is getting to be a little bit like being in a cell here.

Twitter, which you may or may not like, which you may or may not use, which you may or may not have integrated into all your other and various social networking sites – is going to be opened up to the MSN and Google search engines.

This means that whatever you say on twitter has the possibility of appearing in a search results page.

Twitter, like most status updates, contains an estimated content of about 40% ads, 15% political agenda and about 40% sheer babbling drivel.

The most common complaint is “I don’t want to now that you just got out of the shower and made a cup of coffee.”

True.

But…

Let me tell you about me and Twitter. I use consultants on a yearly basis to help me shape and refine my goals and internet presence because, after all, the books and cds I put out I would like to sell. If I go some where to read, I would like people to show up because it helps to support me and keep me going. One consultant brought up twitter (when it was still fairly new) and told me I should start doing it because it would be the only thing that would allow people who read or saw my work to remain connected to me as a person as my life “gets bigger.” It would prevent me from turning into the commodity and let me continue learning and connecting to others because they would be able to see the “me” in everything I do. So even when I am writing essay length blogs, lining to newsy and so on…no one (or not many) would lose sight of the fact that a real person was writing these things and in that realization, your mind remains more open  - sort of a “if she could say or do this, then what would I do or say?”

But, for it to be able to do that, the tweets themselves cannot be superficial or written in a way that they “hold a distance.”

When we are constantly trying to present an image or hold things at bay the end result is that not only do we get dismissed as “just another addie” but that we begin to erode our ability to speak in a manner in which we are truly expressing ourselves.

I am still working on how to use twitter…its like when I started the blog, the first year was really bumpy because you are trying to (like dating) get used to someone.

But, I m slowly getting the hang of it. The prospect of it leaving my little portion of the world and going out every and anywhere is a little daunting. Suddenly I want to use proper grammar and spell things right and be stunningly brilliant with each chirp – but that is not reality. And more and more I am thinking that, while not everything needs to be shared in great detail, the sharing of our realities is going to play an important part in shaping the future differently.

The sharing of our realities plays an important part in our making connections in the present as well.

There is a woman, Kim Brittingham, a writer and blogger who I have a great deal of respect and who I basically would consider a “body activist” – she talks, blogs, writes and tweets about obesity, fatism, age-ism and more. She did a really interesting thing a while back in which she created a fake article/website with the title (and this is probably wrong but it gets the gist of it) “Is fat contagious? Can sitting next to a fat person make you fat?”

And then Kim tracked the number of hits to that article and it was a tremendous amount.

She also stepped in a pile of steaming doo-doo by comparing in a (tweet or status update I am not sure) the experience of being fat in today’s society as comparable to the experience of Jews in the Holocaust.

STOP…BREATHE…DO NOT REACT and keep on reading

And, shall we say, a lively discussion ensued – little of which had to do with the reality of the experience she was talking about and much with the metaphor she chose to express it in.

The metaphor was off and/or poorly timed for use – the Holocaust speaks of the time during WWII when Jews were being killed in camps and ditches and so on. Kim, I think, was referring to what was happening prior to the implementation of the Final Plan when the Jews were being shut out of life solely based upon what they were.

In America, when we talk fat, we talk cost and looks and health. We talk choices and lifestyles and surgeries. It is near to impossible for an American to understand the daily experience of someone who is overweight in our culture (unless you are and even then it is not encouraged and most think they are alone) because our education on the subject (as provided by the media) is focused mostly on “Get a hold of yourself! Change!”

In the EU, there has begun to be a balancing call in the media from doctors, activists and healthcare providers to begin to pay attention to the way the overweight are being ostracized, harassed, denied employment and discriminated against in daily life. There are several brilliant articles on the BBC online about this.

But what makes them so brilliant are the comments posted. Small messages from real people speaking about their experience; being flat out told they are too fat for a job, taunted in public places, denied access to things. That is a voice that is lacking here. The choices we have are “Change or Die!” or “Big is Beautiful!”

And nothing is as easy or black or white as that, now is it? And both of those messages are balanced and polished products.

The voice that makes this cultural and societal discussion real is missing. It is easy to make policy decisions concerning a group of people if you have no sense of balancing reality about them. If you cannot see the person within the group.

Is obesity a result of a lifestyle choice, disease, disorder or is it genetic? Who the hell knows? Within 5 minutes I could post links to medical surveys that would support each argument. How overweight can you be before it impacts your health and begins to cost taxpayers money? Again, give me 2 minutes and I can trot out supporting “evidence” for both.

What I do know is that for quite a few, the process of becoming overweight originates in their environment reflecting back to them an attitude that re-enforces a negative sense of self worth or some other type of fear within. And I do know that the leap then made is wrong – that being slim reflects a positive sense of self worth. It does not. As does the conclusion that all overweight persons have deep issues of self worth, many do not.

What I do know is that we do not have a right to discriminate, harass or dismiss anyone based upon their appearance and our underlying assumptions about the whys and wherefors. Somebody’s appearance is none of our business unless it is an obvious sign of a pathological morbidity and let me tell you, there are few who fall into that category.

It is embarrassing and shameful that in the discussion of health we are creating an environment in which we are allowing a “sub-human” group to be defined. By this I mean we are using a discussion of what it means to be healthy not to examine our own lives and efforts, but to identify a group of people (who are not even really similar) as less than and creating a cultural acceptance of discrimination towards them.

If, we truly value health, if we truly are interested in preventing obesity in children because it will eventually strain healthcare costs etc and so forth then, the logic follows that creating an even greater social strain upon them is not the way to do it. 

And we, as a country, are just too ethically maladjusted to handle mixed messages about who is acceptable based on appearances. We tend to take the first sentence, throw out the rest of the report and run with it.

Oh my god…look at the time…

I am slightly in shock over recent turns in events…I feel like…I feel like…in allowing myself to sort of plunge into a darkness, see certain realities and then make a decision to move on and forward – a door opened and I have received something that is so priceless that I am slightly in awe of it all. Which doesn’t mean everything is hunky-dory, not by a long shot, but that the light at the end of the tunnel has finally started to appear around the corner.

I had the opportunity last night to participate in a very small benefit/celebration of something called “Pathways to Wellness” in Boston. It was something I wanted to go to, and then didn’t because of personal issues, and almost last minute decided to go and it was the best thing. To walk into a room of people where the energy was so high and connected as they celebrated not only 20 years of achievement and presence in the community (and seven other countries) of an organization that strives to provide complimentary care and research for how western traditional and eastern medicine can be combined to offer the best care, but to also do it in a way that reached out to make it an affordable and viable healthcare option for those without. In the process, they were also celebrating a woman, Kristen Porter, who has steered the organization as their Executive Director for over 7 years and was leaving that position to pursue research, her PhD and to become their Director of Integrated Research. Now, to give you an idea of why they would celebrate someone like that (above and beyond the usual office politics) – this woman came to their door 19 years ago, homeless and volunteered as their front desk help.

Someone from the local TV station opened an envelope and as a surprise, read to her that the Mayor of Boston proclaimed October 21st “Kristen Porter” day.

To give you an idea of the power and interest in the room, with less than 200 people in the rooms they raised over $71,000 before they even got to the silent auction to achieve their goal of $75,000. Mostly because, way back in the early years of Mmme. Porter being Executive Director, they had an enormous budget crisis and she was determined that never again would that agency suffer from such a crisis and face the possibility of not being able to provide care.

From one person deciding that they wanted to do, has come an agency that provides research, care and effective hope not just to their immediate communities but to any community willing to have them visit and show them the model they have created.

But most noticeable was the feeling in the room that here was a fund raiser that was devoid of personality even while simultaneously celebrating a person. And when was the last time you experienced something like that?

From one person, for whom the last thing that our popular model of social welfare would have wanted them to go volunteer, has come something that exists and gives beyond one person’d drive.

From one person that many would have written off earlier in her life or “tut-tutted” dreams as being unrealistic.

We are – not what we think, or say, or believe, or dream – but what we do. And that can stop and start periodically, but even when it reaches a temporary stop – all you have to do to begin again is just that – begin.

Take one step forward and all the stumbling from yesterday becomes a part of your history that you can choose to read from and learn, or just shut the damn book and start a new one. That is what living in the present is, but so many (including myself on occasion) try writing their present on the margins of the pages that hold the past.

The rest of the evening was just this easy flow.

I spent most of yesterday (prior to all this) hanging out in front of my computer and not really doing anything, just watching the Mad Kitten. Since she disappeared for those few days she doesn’t stray much. She sits in the sunlight, not in a very cat-like position, but leaning back against the wood of the step and watching as 4 or 5 squirrels now come into the yard and do their thing. Stan is the only one that will come within 2 feet of her, but the others get bolder. And she just sits there, unless one of the neighboring cats tries to even look in the yard – then she goes ballistic  - howling like a banshee, scattering squirrels and chasing the car away. Then she returns to her grass and wood throne.

And it was said to me last night that there is a feeling in the air of the “future coming to meet us” and that we are casting about looking for the things we lost – master artists and writers whose works teach and inform us; intelligent books and interpretations and films that go beyond recycled momentary entertainment and transcend our days to inform us about our lives; love that illuminates and creates rather than maintains. And I think that is true. But we discussed how the thing that hinders people from fulfilling their purpose is the lack of time that has been created. Gaining back your time is the first step.

It feels like Indian summer here today, the door is already open and MK is already out in her domain, rolling in the privacy of her grassland.

So, apparently I need to invest even more time in constructing some manner of handling the nuclear fallout from making a video. Especially if I am going to dip into subject matters like the “Demon” I really need to pony up with a plan. But intensity in any part of life tends to add a certain intensity and immediacy to everything that happens around.

I realized that my normal process of dealing with the “stirring-up” has been significantly interrupted since the “Requiem” and to go from there to the “Demon” without allowing myself time to break it all down was just too much. But somehow, necessary for me to go through.

Now if you are also in a place where you are being pushed to confront some Demons you have been comfortably resting with and ignoring – all hell can break loose. If you saw the picture of me and my nose then you now what I am talking about.

And all it took to undo the maelstrom was to sit and write six simple lines to open the city of love and suddenly, my world is at rest again. Because sometimes, what haunts us are ghosts who long to be let go and are no longer ours anymore, but we cling to them because they are familiar and safe, even when they hurt or cause pain, they are something that we know.

As much as the city of love is going to be about the story of my life, I realized that what I was fighting was that it needs to be an ode to the absolute beauty of living and that was not what I really wanted to do because I have become so use to trauma and tragedy. Sometimes, when we examine our own themes is when we allow ourselves to rewrite our own experiences.

I read an interesting article about character this week and the difference between a philosophical point of view and what is the developing psychological views of it (and credit to the NYT for writing about this).

In the philosophical view, we talk about people as having certain immutable or highly developed aspects of their character (goodness, charity, strength) that are core elements of how they act and react. The image they used was a funnel. You can pour as much and as many things as you want into the wide opening of the funnel but only so much of it will make it out the narrow end. From a broad selection of events and experiences, the action of the person is defined by only a narrow amount of things (their character).

Psychology has begun to think much differently about character and action. They are beginning to see the funnel as upside down, with very little of what is going on around you making in the narrow top, but then your actions are determined by how that little bit interacts with a much larger pool of experience et al that is constantly swirling around inside of us.

From there I went to the DSM-V and started examining the different characteristics of disorders and picking out ones I recognized in myself and working backwards through the past few years of my life to see how they have developed and strengthened in response to events that have been going on around me. The point of recognition, they say is the key to being able to change anything about yourself. Once you see the pattern it becomes much less easy to participate in it.

Patterns spotted, I know what needs to be done. And I stood up and wrote six lines that completely changed the nature and direction that the city of love was threatening to go in. I see less dark and tragic retelling and more an absolute celebration of what life means.

Now, at some point in time, I would prefer the nature of my self revelations to arrive by post. Maybe a text message from within, ya know? But I also realize that there are other things at play in my life, that while I can control my participation in them, are a part of something larger that I live in service to. Now that’s a relationship I am only just now beginning to learn how to negotiate.

No one is more complex and difficult to get to know then yourself. Perhaps because we often just act almost intuitively without having to explain ourselves to ourselves.

Ok…back to work now.

A woman who has worked in a sugar cane field for the past 40 years said, of the need for aid to educate their children and to do away with the need for the children to work in the fields to help support the family, that other countries should forget people like her for “we are rotten already, it is the young who can still be saved.”

And I watch as the US mulls over the desire of the administration to double aid to Africa and Africa is slowly turning away from the US to China. Because unlike the US, China invests in business in Africa more than it gives blanket aid. The Chinese move there as well, work there and in Liberia have instituted free lessons in Chinese because they are appalled that the Liberians are signing agreements without being able to read the documents (BBC source).

Aid comes in two forms, one – in such a way that alleviates an immediate need and the second – in such a way that promotes a change in the ability of the recipients to live.

Unlike the US, China is focused on the second form of aid because they understand that when you change the ability of the recipients to live by providing them with a means to achieve their dreams, you also change your ability to live in accordance with your own.

We still suffer from the idea that one should predetermine the outcome of kindness.

Which is something that extends beyond our political and diplomatic aid and is woven into our cultural expectations of society. We want the outcome of our charity and help and kindness to be something that we approve of, that the giver defines.

That woman in the fields knows that the children are not bent yet by the need and the suffering of survival and can see beyond what is and into their dreams. “We are rotten” to her, is an acknowledgment that after so much hardship - one’s dreams suffer.

Aid, charity and kindness for the young needs to be different then what is offered to those who are older. For them, we have to find a way to enable them to dream again of things beyond what they know. And dreaming comes from more then shelter, safety and a full belly – these things usually induce naps, not exercises in possibility.

Dreaming is about being able to see the potential and purpose in your own life again. To begin to regain a sense of excitement and possibility that can survive the knowledge of mortality. As you get older and (hopefully) become more connected to your mortality you should be experiencing a renewed surge of joy in life because you are more aware then ever of its fragility and brevity.

But tied into all of this, complicating it all…is our need for a sense of…knowing. We want to know what is happening, where things are going and what to expect. When we are children, most of our outbursts and bad behavior come from a reaction to the stress of “not knowing.” One of the best things you can do with a child, before you go someplace new, is to sit them down and tell them what to expect and what is expected of them. With that eased, they are more comfortable being curious because the situation is not overwhelming. If you have an idea of what to expect (and what is expected) then you are better equipped, oddly enough, to handle the unexpected. How this works – I am still figuring that one out. But I think it has to do with one’s ability to handle panic.

Oooops…ok…I just got totally distracted.

Completely…I think it has to do with my having to go near a mall today and other things that have begun to spin on the periphery.

What continues to amaze me is how many of you have emailed me your stories about having been stalked and how usually, it all began with an act of kindness. Even more striking is the process described of how you all have come full circle to the ability of being able to be kind again – with full knowledge that you do not know how it will be taken and how, the idea of losing the ability to be kind, to give is far more frightening then anything a stalker could do. In certain circles this is called achieving emotional maturity.

The current thinking is that one should not talk, should hide to avoid and so on and so many have found that the exact opposite is true. That it is our ability to give, to love and to do so with an awareness of the harm that may come from that that is essential to our feeling free and alive.

These women in the sugar cane fields believe that they have lost the ability to Love. For what is Love but creation? And the creation of something that extends beyond your specific circumstances? It is a leap of faith and these women, who “are rotten” have lost their faith in their ability to create.

That is the kindness they need. That is the kindness that we all need, someone to extend to us, on loan, their belief in our ability to create. Not survive. Not maintain. But to become more than what we are.

Maslow’s hierarchy does not allow for this.

Maslow places an emphasis on survival and maintenance over the innate ability of anyone to create beyond their circumstances. In the US, our whole approach to mental health is based upon Maslow. In fact, that f---ked up little pyramid influences quite a bit of our lives beyond mental health. We hammer on consumerism but its base is in these concepts, that we are capable of nothing without certain external things.

We, each and every one of us, are capable of anything and everything even if we live under a bridge and are starving. Man is driven to create and I am not talking about babies.

Poets, are the voice of the poor, we are the voice of what can be often by speaking of what has been and bringing out into the light where anyone can see that they are not alone.

Poets, are the voice of the rich and of royalty, for we speak of the longing for intimacy.

Artist, musicians…they are the same. The language we inhabit is something that goes beyond ourselves…in essence, there is no such thing as a poor artist, unless, they have stopped themselves from creating.

And you, who are not an artist, who do not have the ease of creating something outside of yourself as simply as we do, you create with your life using the tools an artist gives you and that you make for yourself.

The Aid that the world needs is not the means to continue surviving, but one that allows it to become.

‘nuff said